This post was originally called "Pardon me, the cynic." which i started about 6mos ago and never posted it because I felt it was incomplete. Recent thoughts have been related so I figured now was as good a time as any.
The old post:
Yesterday, I went to a church that I have attended on and off for a couple years. I went with a very poor attitude, a bitter heart, and I judged them for every move they made, or didn't. I would even say that I went purely because "I should go to church" and because it was something to do on a Sunday night. So, I sat and wrote. I've paraphrased a little so that it will makes sense to more than just myself.
"With arms high and heart abandoned" we don't stand in awe of the One who made it all, we hang out for a couple hours to spiritually get off and then leave. Worship is apparently now a concert, and its really important for the people up front to wear all the trendy clothes, even the really weird wtf accessories. I don't get it. What the hell happened to church? It seems this group of people collectively decided to believe that his is what church was supposed to be. Somewhere along the way, we forgot that living a godly life means more than just once a week. My God."
Then it came time for the teaching, and like usual at this church, I found myself challenged.
The new addition:
I read that and I know exactly how I felt because I feel the same way every time I go back. This time, however, I started wondering if what I felt had more to do with me and less the people I was judging. I walked in the same way I go into "that store" at the mall; similar feelings to discovering "that guy". Everybody looks the same, and I don't feel like I fit, nor do I want to. This time the teaching didn't do it for me either. I was distracted, sure, but it felt the same as any message I had heard in any church. Amidst frustration I did see some people I haven't seen in a long time and that was nice. Leaving, I had a stark realization. I stopped looking at all I had found wrong with the place an saw, maybe for the first time, what they were doing right. Collectively, they are a group (a large one at that) who are doing what seems best to them to do good and follow their God. As it happens, they also all like to dress similarly which shouldn't matter. None of it should matter, but somehow it does. I don't like it, and I don't like that I don't like it. It's another manifestation of the paradox that seems to follow me and a lot of people of similar age who call themselves Christians. We like Jesus and a lot of the Christian ideals like love your neighbor, but not religion. Not church. Not dressing the same as everyone and singing songs that nobody knows the meaning of.
I'm not sure if this is just babbling at this point, and I apologize for the complaining tone, but it is honest. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm feeling, what I think about it all, and what, if anything, I can do about it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
i wish you could come to church with me on sunday evenings. i argued with the pastor the other day. so did several other people. i'm still conflicted and confused, but i think i'm ready to be conflicted and confused with other people now.
it's interesting to see how our evangelical church styles have become so infused with american culture. i think it's kind of natural, i think it happens like this in other ways in other countries.
for example, my cousin is a missionary in tanzania. the worship services there have a completely different feel, because their culture has a different means of expressing raw emotion (things like dance and all).
when i was in india, i was amazed at how many hindu traditions seemed to abound amongst the christians i met. but it is really no wonder, as hindu culture is almost inseparable from indian culture.
and so i think today's american christianity just has our flavor in it. as a society, we have become materialistic, narcissistic, xenophobic, etc. we're still in the adolescent stages of a society; we have yet to fully ingrain ourselves with deeper values. but it will happen, and it will be reflected in the church. perhaps it's beginning to happen now.
while we may get fed up with what we see as shallow offerings to God (and believe me, i'm right there with you on this topic), i wonder if God views those offerings as pleasing, simply because they are from His children. He knows we're immature and can't offer Him anything more than a mud pie, but He also knows that we are on a path towards maturity, and there are always growing pains along the way.
Post a Comment