Transition.

It's funny how sometimes we create plans. Extravagant plans that encapsulate every last little detail. Finally, we reach a point where the plan should materialize and those little details should blossom into flowers of reality. Then, I realize that this is real life and real life doesn't always look like the picture on the menu. Not that its, bad; just different than expected.

I find conversations with current college students very entertaining in a sadistic kind of way. My humor is at their perhaps misguided view of a grand future. "After I graduate, I'm going to get a job with [insert grandiose cadre of companies] and live in Portland." It really does sound nice, and perhaps even I will leave the comfort of my parent's home and venture into that place called the real world. I mean like the TV show.

Having graduated and found nothing but dead ends with my pursuit of that job which would allow me to live in Portland, I find myself at home again, but with new perspective. It has taken me months to come to terms with, but I think its good. I've said before that I am "caught in transition with hopes and dreams I don't yet know what to do with." This is 100% true, but I might be getting closer to knowing what to do with them. I'm learning that one's current mindset is very easily influenced by those they are around. For instance, when I'm at work, I think about how I could be an electrician and a good one at that. Slowly, the back of my mind lends a quiet voice, reminding me of those hopes and dreams which teeter on the edge of becoming fears with each thought of a future without them.

I had another realization. I didn't even know what hopes or dreams I had until I found myself months into the summer job turned into "work until I find a 'real' job". What if I had found a job straight out of the gate? Would I have slowed down long enough to think about what I want to live for and who I want to become? Perhaps I would have been okay with it; that's what scares me the most.