Hipster clothes and shopping at church...

This post was originally called "Pardon me, the cynic." which i started about 6mos ago and never posted it because I felt it was incomplete. Recent thoughts have been related so I figured now was as good a time as any.

The old post:

Yesterday, I went to a church that I have attended on and off for a couple years. I went with a very poor attitude, a bitter heart, and I judged them for every move they made, or didn't. I would even say that I went purely because "I should go to church" and because it was something to do on a Sunday night. So, I sat and wrote. I've paraphrased a little so that it will makes sense to more than just myself.

"With arms high and heart abandoned" we don't stand in awe of the One who made it all, we hang out for a couple hours to spiritually get off and then leave. Worship is apparently now a concert, and its really important for the people up front to wear all the trendy clothes, even the really weird wtf accessories. I don't get it. What the hell happened to church? It seems this group of people collectively decided to believe that his is what church was supposed to be. Somewhere along the way, we forgot that living a godly life means more than just once a week. My God."

Then it came time for the teaching, and like usual at this church, I found myself challenged.

The new addition:

I read that and I know exactly how I felt because I feel the same way every time I go back. This time, however, I started wondering if what I felt had more to do with me and less the people I was judging. I walked in the same way I go into "that store" at the mall; similar feelings to discovering "that guy". Everybody looks the same, and I don't feel like I fit, nor do I want to. This time the teaching didn't do it for me either. I was distracted, sure, but it felt the same as any message I had heard in any church. Amidst frustration I did see some people I haven't seen in a long time and that was nice. Leaving, I had a stark realization. I stopped looking at all I had found wrong with the place an saw, maybe for the first time, what they were doing right. Collectively, they are a group (a large one at that) who are doing what seems best to them to do good and follow their God. As it happens, they also all like to dress similarly which shouldn't matter. None of it should matter, but somehow it does. I don't like it, and I don't like that I don't like it. It's another manifestation of the paradox that seems to follow me and a lot of people of similar age who call themselves Christians. We like Jesus and a lot of the Christian ideals like love your neighbor, but not religion. Not church. Not dressing the same as everyone and singing songs that nobody knows the meaning of.

I'm not sure if this is just babbling at this point, and I apologize for the complaining tone, but it is honest. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm feeling, what I think about it all, and what, if anything, I can do about it.